Acceptable

By: Sarah White, DO

I am a provider

A word that places me among merchants,

Though what I pedal is not a product

I am tasked with moving a good

Without guarantees

I ask what is acceptable

A merchant would not ask this

They do not halt a sale

To ask if a compromised outcome 

Will be acceptable

I ask what is acceptable

As if there is a desired response

Hoping that the word has been rehearsed before

That this is not the first time

Fragility has been named, 

That mortality has already moved quietly

Across this family’s dinner table

I ask what is acceptable

What outcome can you live with?

What loss can be suffered,

While the perception of life remains?

I ask what is acceptable

Behind which lies a world I dare not name aloud

A body once trusted

A future once assumed

A self in metamorphosis

I ask what is acceptable

Knowing that medicine requires a boundary

The line at which certainty dissolves.

Pedaling prognosis,

Probabilities guised as plans

I ask what is acceptable

And the word stays with me 

Long after I leave —

A reminder that some words 

Carry worlds, 

And some goods 

Were never meant to be sold

Sarah is a current PGY-3 in Internal Medicine at OHSU. She is passionate about making medical education accessible to all levels of learners, resident wellness, advocacy, and will argue with anyone that says that the nephron isn’t the most impressive functional unit of any organ. When not at the hospital,  you can find her working on whatever art project she’s currently fixated on (currently sewing), with friends, or reading her Kindle weighed down by her two cats, Slinky and Higgs.