Chief Resident Trilogy
By: Golan Shahar, Ph.D.
Poem I: Cafeteria to Xray
She stands in line but not really
The cafeteria neon projects poise on her red hair
Surrounded by white gowns, she stands erect
Her hazelnut eyes lurking for her third cup of coffee
“What the fucking fuck,” she wonders
“I need to be in Xray in five”
While she covets the pink donut on the counter
The neurology resident behind her covets her
Poem II: Xray to Chief of Pediatrics
She arrives to Xray on time, but not really.
The radiologist is solemnly awaiting,
Hands her the report.
“God, Andy.” she whispers. The line
wanders into the heart’s shadow
when it should stop shy of it. So
talented, brilliant even, but sleepless and
too confident, and now
she will report to
Prof. “I told you so”.
His eyes — already rehearsed.
Poem III: Pediatrics Chief to Noon Conference
“He’s out”, he says.
“I told you so”.
“No, he’s not”, she retorts calmly.
“He deserves another chance”.
And doesn’t add, “Because otherwise
I’ll tell the world
what you’ve been after”.
His silence stretches like a whiplash.
As she is heading to the noon conference
The neon flits with her clenched jaw.
Andy and the residents are waiting.
Her stage. Her cage.
Just like back home, when
She fought to un-needle her brother,
really believing she would.
But not really.
Golan Shahar is Professor of Clinical–Health Psychology at Ben-Gurion University and Adjunct Professor at Yale University School of Medicine. His work bridges clinical and health psychology, psychoanalytic and existential theory, and poetic narrative. He has published extensively on depression and suicide, chronic illness, and stress, and has authored two books. His poetry, written both in English and in Hebrew, explores subjective, health-related experience, psychological suffering and resilience, and the interface between persons and their social environment, particularly in the context of health and medicine.
